In an internet that is mostly populated by humans, it can be difficult for an elf to find good health advice. Even though humans and elves share many physical similarities, our optimal diets couldn’t be more different. At this time of year, us elves are especially busy and that’s why it’s so important right now that we get all the nutrients we need to keep our tiny bodies functioning at peak production. With that in mind, here are 8 superfoods for optimal elf health!
8) Candy Canes
It’s common knowledge that candy canes are good for you, but do you know why? Candy canes contain high levels of smileytin which is a key nutrient your body needs for laughamine synthesis, and laughamine is important for maintaining a healthy chuckle. But not all candy canes are created equal. Choose canes that are dark green or bright orange in colour for the greatest nutritional benefit.
Often regarded as an exotic delicacy to be saved for special occasions, shortbread is actually something we should be eating every day. That’s because a single shortbread cookie contains as much gratitudium as an entire pan of Nanimo bar! A recent study by the Department of Festivology at the University of Giggleton linked gratitudium to extended lifespans, strong bones, and extra squishy-wishy cuddly cheeks.
Surprised? Not many people know this but gingerbread (a popular building material) is not only edible, it’s also really, really good for you! Gingerbread is high in cheerium, the mineral responsible for rosy cheeks. Diets that are high in cheerium have also been found to reduce the risk of contracting certain diseases including nipped nose and grinchitis. So go ahead and chew the scenery!
5) Gum Drops
We all remember our parents telling us to eat our gum drops, and they were right! Gum drops heighten your body’s levels of HDL (Happy Dream Lipoprotein) and lower your LDL (Lousy Dream Lipoprotein). So follow your parents’ advice and eat your gumdrops. Sweet dreams!
Fruitcake is probably the most nutrient-rich food on this list. It’s high in essential nutrients like jollyjigglium and vitamin S (Nicktrus acid). Vitamin S is a powerful immune system booster that can prevent and even cure the Frowny Flu! I know, I know, nobody likes fruitcake. But if you blend it in a smoothie with some spiced punch and rum balls, you get all the benefits and you barely notice the taste!
A diet that is high in omega-3 jolly acids like the ones found in cocoa can lower your risk of contracting grumpletennus. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms of grumpletennus such as droopy ears, inability to turn your frown upside-down, or sparkle deficiency, try adding an extra cup of cocoa to your morning routine.
Don’t take marshmallows lightly! These superfood nuggets are loaded with antimorbidants that can help prevent crankcer. Marshmallows are also rich in jinglaic acid which is important for maintaining a healthy eye twinkle. And if you like your marshmallows toasted you’re in luck, because toasting actually alters the marshmallow’s chemical structure creating goodwillinium, a nutrient that your body can’t make on its own. Who knew marshmallows were so versatile?
It’s thick, it’s creamy, it prevents elf diabetes. At about 225 calories and 20 grams of sugar per cup, eggnog is the perfect drink for keeping your elf blood sugar at a normal level of 25-30 mmol/L. On top of that, eggnog has been proven to reverse the effects of tinsel tangleitis. Tinsel tangleitis is most common among elves who are entering their third century so if you’re middle aged, consider making room for eggnog in your daily schedule.
Of course, there is no single perfect food to provide your body with everything it needs. A balanced diet including lots of whole sugar and dark, leafy tarts is your best bet for a healthy life. And don’t forget to stay hydrated with at least eight cups of apple cider a day. Get an early start on your new year’s resolutions by incorporating the foods on this list into your regular meal plan and you’ll be sure to make it through the busy season. Happy Holidays!